et cetera, et cetera.

me texting DG:

CH: I only want one penis and you know which one.
me: Mine? Yeah. Obviously. It is obscenely large. Offensive.
CH: I would give up Narnia for yours.

my text: I heard you have a lady friend? What’s this?
GC’s text: What you talking aboot? lol lady friend? Always do ;)
my text: Bahaha I heard you’re bringing a lady to camping?
GC’s text: Yeah, she’s never been camping before so I extended an invite to her lol
my text: Yeah? I bet you’ll extend something else to her..
GC’s text: Lololol hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha shhhhhhhhhh

i don’t have a cat; i’m allergic to cats

my text: [dogs are] Better than cats. Cats are so high maintenance.. And they don’t love you back
MP’s text: lmao a loveless relationship
my text: I’m very familiar with that kind. Sad face. But because [I’ve had so many] of those, I appreciate my current relationship soooooo much more.
MP’s text: With your cat? Or with DG? Or both?
me: Both. Obviously.

is it just me… or is everyone getting married these days?

there should be an instructions manual.

also, Man and Woman have German accents because they are from Germany.

me: I’m 24-years-old; I have a lot of life ahead of me.
Man: Wait. You’re telling me that I am 55 years older than you?
me: No way! You do not look like you’re 79!
Man: I am and my wife is going to make me hate it next year.
Woman: He turns 80 next year and I am going to laugh at him. I have known him for 54 years. We have been married for 53 years.
me: What! That’s amazing! Wow! I really hope that I can have something like that.
Man: People around your age and in these years seem to not last very long.
me: Yeah, it’s rare to hear stories about marriages lasting for long.
Woman: It was very different to get married back then.
Man: Yeah, back then, when people got married, they didn’t have stuff. They accumulated as they grew older. Now, people have stuff. Too much stuff—TV, computers, furniture and other things.
me: Yeah, it’s true.
Woman: Yeah, even furniture back then lasted long. You could buy a sofa and it would last you 30 years. Now, furniture is not so good.
Man: Marriage now is like Ikea furniture: cheap to buy, easy to build, falls apart fast!

JN: Man, that girl’s response was harsh and off topic.
me: Harsh? I thought it was dramatic. Mind you, we live in a world in which we’re conditioned to assign specific/particular thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to specific/particular words and actions.